...yeah, i don't know...being perfect?
anyhow, my lenten season decision has come a few days late, and it quiet honestly only came because i was sitting in church this morning with the husband, and our pastor was talking about fasting, and i remembered i hadn't decided on a fast yet...and then our amazing worship began. worship so amazing i imagine the seraphims from isaiah 6:2 were flying over our sanctuary during the midst of. the sweetness of worship, the sweetness of being in the presence of God is this: it encourages you with a loving conviction that there is something better for you, that His plans for you are far greater than what is plaguing you with stress and concern at that moment.
all to often i find myself checking my identity in accordance with the world's eyes, the world's standards. i find myself concerned with what my coworkers think, my boss thinks, those that pass me in various other community places think. i stand in front of the mirror and critique myself, i critique my day, and dwell on how i could have been "more perfect". yet, somehow, i don't spend the same time, energy, effort, focus, on how He sees me. He's ordained my days, He knows my ending from my beginning (psalm 139). i've become distracted. my time is too divided amongst unnecessary fills. He is the greatest love that i know, He is the only place of unrelenting love, quiet solace, and never-ending mercy, and yet He gets the least amount of my time. t.v. gets my time, and only gives me disturbing, sad images in return, movies get my time, and only give me lost hours for it. when He gets my time, He gives me peace, restoration, and joy in return. i want to give Him more of my time, i want more of His peace, restoration, and joy. i want to clammer for His thoughts of me the same way i do for others'.
there are many decisions in my life i am not proud of. there are many paths i have gone down that had warning signs all over them, and yet i chose, and left a trail of destruction in my path. (coincidently enough, i just reached over to turn on my bedside lamp and spilled an entire cup of cocoa onto our carpet, and bed spread, and sheets....). honestly i still let these remain part of my identity, and therefore, when i look in the mirror, i see the destruction i've left behind as a result of these decisions, and the person that caused it, instead of the person pulled from the floods. i still see myself, struggling, resisting against the drowning process. and then i remember that He has pulled me from the flood waters. i remember i have a new identity in Him. i remember that He says to me "you are altogether beautiful my darling, there is no spot in thee" (song of solomon 4:7).
so in addition to t.v., i'm giving up my desire to be perfect.
anyhow, my lenten season decision has come a few days late, and it quiet honestly only came because i was sitting in church this morning with the husband, and our pastor was talking about fasting, and i remembered i hadn't decided on a fast yet...and then our amazing worship began. worship so amazing i imagine the seraphims from isaiah 6:2 were flying over our sanctuary during the midst of. the sweetness of worship, the sweetness of being in the presence of God is this: it encourages you with a loving conviction that there is something better for you, that His plans for you are far greater than what is plaguing you with stress and concern at that moment.
all to often i find myself checking my identity in accordance with the world's eyes, the world's standards. i find myself concerned with what my coworkers think, my boss thinks, those that pass me in various other community places think. i stand in front of the mirror and critique myself, i critique my day, and dwell on how i could have been "more perfect". yet, somehow, i don't spend the same time, energy, effort, focus, on how He sees me. He's ordained my days, He knows my ending from my beginning (psalm 139). i've become distracted. my time is too divided amongst unnecessary fills. He is the greatest love that i know, He is the only place of unrelenting love, quiet solace, and never-ending mercy, and yet He gets the least amount of my time. t.v. gets my time, and only gives me disturbing, sad images in return, movies get my time, and only give me lost hours for it. when He gets my time, He gives me peace, restoration, and joy in return. i want to give Him more of my time, i want more of His peace, restoration, and joy. i want to clammer for His thoughts of me the same way i do for others'.
there are many decisions in my life i am not proud of. there are many paths i have gone down that had warning signs all over them, and yet i chose, and left a trail of destruction in my path. (coincidently enough, i just reached over to turn on my bedside lamp and spilled an entire cup of cocoa onto our carpet, and bed spread, and sheets....). honestly i still let these remain part of my identity, and therefore, when i look in the mirror, i see the destruction i've left behind as a result of these decisions, and the person that caused it, instead of the person pulled from the floods. i still see myself, struggling, resisting against the drowning process. and then i remember that He has pulled me from the flood waters. i remember i have a new identity in Him. i remember that He says to me "you are altogether beautiful my darling, there is no spot in thee" (song of solomon 4:7).
so in addition to t.v., i'm giving up my desire to be perfect.
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