i've been failing

sharp, prepared, strong, and determined. those used to describe me.
dull, ill-prepared, fragile, and complacent are more accurate now.

i had dreams of being mountain-like.
i had hope that i'd be as elisabeth elliot, and yet i find that i'm more like a timid scared orpah (yeah, looks like oprah...orpah was the girl in the story of ruth who chose to leave naomi and go back to her homeland when ruth said "where you go i'll go"....

it's a scary thing to feel weakness encroaching upon you
it's an even scarier thing to realize that you're just now realizing this is what has been happening.

c.s. lewis once wrote, "if in find myself in a desire which noting in this world can satisfy, the most probably explanation is i was meant for another"
i'd like to say that's what my problem is, but it's really that i'm still seeking perfection.

"But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold." --job 23:10 these ladies totally sharpen me, i recommend everyone have lovely sharpeners :) (proverbs 27:17). having lovelies that build you up in Christ is imperative. totally.